What’s yet to come

I don’t know if img_6241I consider myself to be a good writer or not, but what I do know is that I’m full of thoughts that consume me, I need to let them out somehow, right? I’ve been considering making a blog for quite a while now, but I never knew where to even begin. Today, as I was laying in my bed, attempting to sleep, something told me to get up, get my laptop, ad create the blog I’ve been wanting to do for so long… So here I am. I’ve not very good at expressing who I really am to the world, hell, I barely even know who I actually am. But anyways, nowadays people can be so cruel and judgmental, it takes me a bit of time to actually open up to someone and talk about what’s been happening in my life, but somehow being anonymous made this easier. I’m not even sure if anyone will actually take the time to read this, but if anyone is then, hello to you, hopefully you keep on reading my future posts and you enjoy them!

– EI –

Advertisements

Drained

I’m just so tired of always ending up hurt after they promised that they wouldn’t hurt or leave me. I know that at the time they said that, they meant it, but later on the meaning started diminishing and they did what they promised they would never do. I’m just confused and tired at this point, I’m tired of opening up to people and having them do the same thing as everyone else. Starting over with someone else seems impossible now, I don’t have the energy for it, opening up, talking to them consistently, getting feelings, all of that, it’s too much when I already know the outcome. What am I supposed to do? Everything we’ve ever talked about reminds me of them, I can’t go on through life normally because if I come across something that reminds me of them I get nauseous and dizzy. I’m just so tired of holding on to something that isn’t there anymore… but I can’t seem to let go.. what am I waiting for?

-EI-

Depression and Anxiety

Depression alone is horrible, you have no energy to even stand up and take a damn bath, your hair is a mess and so is your room, don’t even get me started on your life. You are too sad to cry, does that make sense? I don’t know, but that’s how it is. You separate from people and turn them away when they show even a bit of sympathy. You are an emotionless being, yet depressed. All you do is lay around. Depression with anxiety though, those are two contradictions, together, they’re the worst. All you want to do is lay around but your anxiety doesn’t let you, it makes you do work but you do a bullshit job at it because your thoughts take up most of your mind, you bitch at everyone and push them away but feel even more miserable because you want them to be there, but it’s too late. The anxiety and depression take turns, you’re a sobbing mess then 5 minutes later you’re empty and can’t remember most things.

-EI-

Introverted Problem

infj

It sucks when you open up to someone and they turn you down or make it seem like they do, seemingly because you didn’t come out how they expected it, why can’t anyone take me for who I am and not for who they imagine me to be, that’s the problem with being introverted, people make up images of who they think you are and began to believe it and when you finally open up to them it’s a huge surprise and downright dissapointment, im tired of never being enough for someone or too much for someone. I just want to be loved for who I am but that’s too much to ask for.

-EI-

What my last heartbreak taught me..

dsc_0672

I always see it coming, but no matter how much I expect it to come, I’m never prepared to how it’s going to feel. Seems like anyone I ever truly have feelings for, suddenly give up on me and go with some other girl, am I not good enough? Or maybe he thinks I’m too annoying, too problematic, too intense, too much but not enough. I kept thinking that over and over this week, letting what he did to me define me, since all I thought was “I’m useless, not good enough, this is why everyone leaves” but then I snapped out of it, and thought, but wait.. yeah he did hurt me, but I’m the one who controls how I deal with this situation, what’s done is done and I can’t do anything about the past, but I can do something about the outcome. Someone’s opinion of me does not define who I am. Instead of crying over him I decided to make this blog, creating something positive out of something negative, writing has been a great distraction to everything that has been happening. This applies to all of you reading this, the feeling that comes after a heartbreak is horrible, but you don’t have to let it consume you, be the best you can be, show him/her what they lost, grow out of the sadness that was brought on to you, do it for yourself.

-EI-

Little Writing of the Week..

acdb18908a574a843b692d55a83ec3ff

When I was a child my mother always scolded me, “think before you speak” she used to say. Now as I’m older I catch myself overthinking everything I want to say, leading me to saying nothing at all. “Better safe than sorry” is how the saying goes, but in some instances the regret of not having had said anything is too much, along with the memory that I won’t have the chance to say what I wanted to say every again.. you’re already gone after all..

-EI-